01
Intention
What do you deeply want for yourself, your relationships or your life right now?
NARM® · NeuroAffective Relational Model
What is NARM®?
A trauma-informed approach for understanding the patterns that shape how you relate to yourself and others.
NARM® explores how early relational experiences and protective patterns may influence present-day relationships, self-trust, boundaries and the way you respond under stress.
Trauma-informed · Present-focused · Relational
“NARM is based on the understanding that there is a natural movement in us towards connection, healing and aliveness — and that protective patterns can sometimes get in the way of that movement.”
Laurence Heller
This may be relevant if
Some reactions feel familiar, even when you understand them.
You may already have insight into yourself and still notice that certain patterns return in relationships or emotionally charged moments.
The same relationship pattern keeps repeating
Needs or boundaries are difficult to express
Closeness and distance can feel hard to navigate
Self-criticism, shame or insecurity take over
You react in ways that do not feel like how you want to show up
You want more self-trust, connection and choice
Developmental trauma and relationship patterns
How NARM® understands protective patterns.
You may want to feel close to yourself and others, express yourself more freely, or respond differently in relationships. And still, familiar reactions can take over: pulling away, adapting, shutting down or becoming self-critical.
NARM explores these patterns with curiosity. Rather than seeing them as mistakes, it asks what they may once have protected — and whether they are still needed in the same way today.
What makes NARM® different?
Body-oriented and trauma-informed
Focused on developmental trauma and relational patterns
Present-focused rather than centred on reliving the past
Interested in how protective patterns shape current experience
Protective patterns
Patterns are intelligent adaptations.
Sometimes you know what you want, yet something inside seems to hold you back. You may react in ways that do not quite feel like how you would naturally want to show up.
From a NARM perspective, these patterns are not defects. They may once have helped preserve connection, belonging or a sense of safety.
The focus is therefore not simply on getting rid of the pattern. We explore what you want today, what happens when you move towards it, and what may still be getting in the way.
What a session can look like
We begin with what matters now.
NARM®-based coaching is not a fixed protocol. The work usually starts with your intention and follows what becomes visible in the present moment.
01
Start with an intention
What do you want for yourself, your relationship or your life right now?
02
Slow down the present experience
We notice thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and impulses without forcing anything to change.
03
Notice what interrupts movement
We explore what happens when you move towards what you want and what protective pattern may appear.
04
Create more choice
The aim is not to eliminate a part of you, but to relate to it differently and allow more room for new responses.
Four elements of NARM®-based coaching
A simple orientation for the process.
NARM does not follow a rigid protocol. These four elements help orient the process while leaving room for what emerges in the present moment.
02
Presence
What happens in you when you come into contact with that intention in the present moment?
03
Obstacle
What seems to get in the way of the movement towards what you want?
04
Connection
What becomes available when protective patterns no longer organise the whole experience?
NARM® and relationship patterns
How developmental patterns can shape relationships today.
Early relational experiences can shape how safe closeness feels, how we respond to conflict, whether we trust our needs, and how easily we can set boundaries or remain connected to ourselves around other people.
In individual and couples coaching, we explore these patterns as they appear now. The aim is not to assign blame to the past, but to create more awareness and choice in the present.
FAQs
Questions about NARM®.
What is NARM®?
NARM® stands for the NeuroAffective Relational Model. It is a relational, trauma-informed approach developed by Laurence Heller for exploring developmental trauma and deeply rooted adaptive patterns, with a strong focus on how those patterns appear in present-day experience and relationships.
How is NARM different from traditional talk therapy?
NARM pays attention not only to thoughts and stories, but also to emotions, bodily experience and what happens relationally in the present moment. It is less focused on analysing the past in detail and more interested in how protective patterns shape current experience.
What is developmental trauma?
Developmental trauma refers to the possible effects of early relational experiences in which important needs such as safety, connection, trust, autonomy or love were not sufficiently met. People often develop intelligent protective strategies in response.
Do I need to talk about my past in detail?
No. Earlier experiences are included only when they help make sense of something happening now. You do not need to relive distressing experiences or tell your whole history for the work to be meaningful.
Can a NARM®-based approach support relationship issues and couples?
Yes. A NARM-based perspective can help illuminate how shame, protective patterns and early relational experiences affect closeness, conflict and communication. In couples work, the focus is on what happens between you without turning either partner into the problem.
Is your NARM®-based coaching psychotherapy?
No. My services are coaching and do not constitute psychotherapy or medical treatment. I am currently completing NARM® training and integrate elements and principles of the approach in accordance with my current level of training.
Start with one conversation
Explore what may be getting in the way.
In a free 20-minute clarity call, you can tell me what is happening, ask questions about the approach and get a sense of whether working together feels right.
Online · 20 minutes · No commitment